As The World Turns...

Brad is dying in that show. /: He's my facorite character. And their are so many love triangles it's rediculous. My hair is wet. Hmm. So dramatic, I'm watching it right now. If you don't know, As The World Turns (ATWT) is a soap. Anywho, my hands are freezing. And my toes are numb. I don't have much to talk about. I messed up my friends hair today, and she probably hates me. >.< [Sorry Tamie.]
Michael went to Hawii, and now I have no one else to hang with because everyone but me has a life. I'm texting Will right now. He's sorta all I think about anymore besides school and how I'm going to get my work done and if I'm passing...blah blah blah.
Now I just got a random text that says "This is my number." I have no clue who this is but they must live out here cause they have the same area code. Haha. I answered as "Who dis be?" lol. I'm so gangerster. . . Not. Man, I got testing tomorrow. ._. Not gonna be fun. I'm suprised I'm still up. I fixed my iPod! Woot. :]
This isn't interesting. >.< So I'm just gonna silently walk away.
*Walks away.....*

Just A Poem. (:

"The Silvers Tempting Gleam."

It's another night.
Filled with one more pointless fight.
She glances at a razor.
Then a long look at a temporary unsaving savior.
The silver gleam dances in her eyes.
Inside she begins to scream.
Is there light in all my darkness?
Can there be anything white, pure and untouched?
Will it ever be found?
Or always remain bound?
Holding the steel against her skin.
Thinking that this battle she cannot win.
Cutting herself, leaving red in it's wake.
Scars on her arms and her battered heart.
Collapsing on the ground.
The shattered parts are all around.
Letting her sorrow soak it's way into her mind.
Screaming in shame.
Is there light in all my darkness?
Can there be anything white, pure and untouched?
Will it ever be found?
Or always remain bound?
One day she'll be found.
And picked up off the bare and dirty ground.
Finally made clean.
The silver won't have it's tempting gleam.
Healed by His blood, and her own faith.
Through His precious grace.
There is light in all my darkness.
There can be white, I am pure and untouched.
It's been found.
And I'm no longer bound.

Consume. Thursday, October 22, 2009.

Hear the gravel crunch under my feet.
As I make my way down to a silent street.
These Autumn colors do nothing to comfort me.
For repairing myself is something so bittersweet.

Everyone who lied & left me alone plays in my head.
They shot me up with their words & left me for dead.
This empty place is where I must escape from.
I'm not staying here, I'll run far away instead.

I'll search through my mind for places to run to.
But this secluded land gives me so few.
A solitary graveyard has become my hiding place.
Simply because it doesn't remind me of you.

I've learned that love isn't all we need.
Unless my mind is just of a different breed.
Lying & false promises are nothing close to love.
I'm glad I didn't trust you or follow your selfish lead.

Sitting down, leaning against a gravestone, I'll close my weary eyes.
Half-truths & false happiness will never become my disguise.
I'd rather die then live my life with a liar.
& I'd rather give it all up then be the one who always tries.

Forget having a co-pilot, I'd rather fly solo.
Staying high up, I won't let you drag me down below.
Pulling myself back together, I start towards home.
To meet someone that will truly care, will never be so.

Home again, I'll shut the door on you & to my quiet room.
I've learned to cope in order to not meet my tragic doom
.From now on I'm doing this alone, I don't need someone to hold my hand.
For my heart's something love will never consume.

Pull your fuckin cock out! 10:29PM

I guess thats a line from a "porn" me and my friends made. Hah. Long ass story foo. How the fuck is everyone?! I decieded while eating a HUGE FUCKIN BAG OF CHEETOS I should write a little something while I have time. My weekend you ask? Wow, fuckin' amazing. ( I swear to fucking much...) Friday, I hung out with Gianna and Nathan. Had a blast. Went out on the scooter and fell off it 2 times. Had sex friday. Finaly! But... it was bad. NATHAN SUCKS IN BED. -_- Sorry dude, but i'd never fuck you again. ( I'll save for Vegas; You know who you are. ) Umm... Saturday, hung out with Alyssa and Michael. Alyssa went home at 3, Michael left at 8. :] Halloween store is fuckin amazing. I'ma be a gangstah for halloweeen. (I almost wrote Christmas, wow. I can't think, way to tired.) ._. Umm.. Sunday. Hella bad day. My cousin died.... in front of me. And the sad thing is, we went out to eat after that. I feel horrible. >.<>.< I have a midget as a friend, his name is Nik Sin. He's fuckin amazing.<333 Speaking of will, I think he's utterly cute and adorable. I can't wait to see him dance and give him a kiss on the cheak. And... other things. ooooo. Im gonna go read. Sorry this wasnt interesting. Go listen to BowlingForSoup, their amazing! Byesss.(:

Music is like candy, Throw away the "Rappers".

"I think we have more than sparks, I think we have fuckin' fireworks!" I don't have classes till eight tomorrow! Wooot! XD My house if being fulled of chaotic arguments over a sugar bear. You don't know what a sugar bear is? Well... it's like the smallest animal I've ever seen besides an insect. And they don't get very big. My sister bitches because she thinks that just because I have classes I won't help take care of it... I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT. And plus, I'm not the one who wanted the damn thing. It was her and her kids. But it's fine. Maddie gets stuck getting the blame for almost everything. :/ Shit. Speaking of my sister, she just keeps bitching about everything. Today, I asked her to do this dish's while I took the dog for a walk so I would be back in time for my other sister to pick me up so we could go visit my grandma in the nursing home. And she fuckin flips out and acts like im not gonna help with the fuckin thing. Oh well. She knows I have an anger problem and she kept arguing. She doesn't lift a finger around here. It's all me and she can't do shit. So I slapped her. It wasn't really me though, it was the anger. The... vemon. It's nothing but eating me alive. The slightest thing can piss me off now. And I have no clue why. Ooo. Umm, meaning of the title. So.. there was this party that my friend had. And it was like a HUGE party. And it actually had a theme. It was candy. I hated that party. I felt soo alone and just way to many people I didn't know there. Anywho, they only played rap music. Like hard rap. Nothing soft rap or anything. Just people talking really fast. It sucked.
So. BOYS. Woow. Does one of them blow me away. Will. hah. Whenever I talk to him it's nothing but smiles. The thing is itallic.... it's what I said to him earlier. Because... Sparks don't really mean anything... but FIREWORKS. They mean a hella lot. This kid named Tim. He's just weird to me... Idk. Like creepy stalker weird.
HOLY SHIT. Is anyone tired of hearing about Micheal Jackson! Im sick of hearing about how he died, whos sad about. Come on'. It was like 3 months ago. Hah. Speaking of death, Billy Mays is dead and he's still trying to sell Oxy Clean. Wtf right? I don't know. I don't have much to talk about.. All I know is I miss someone bad and I can't wait to see what Vagas is like so I can be in the same bed as he. *Burp* Ooo. Gas much? Ahh. My sister blew a huge fart today. It stank so baddd. I guess thats what happends when your pegnant. *sneeze* I hope Im not getting sick again... -___- *bites lip* Will just texted me. Haha. Ooo. Medical shows are so fuckin awesome. I think I want to be a doctor. Im thinkin' medical school in four years? Masters degree. idk. Phyciatrist? Yeah! But then I can't gossip about people's problems. Eh, I wouldnt anyways. That'd be mean. xP I don't know anything else to talk about. I think I should sleeep. Hella tired.

Mkay, Will Says I Have Something To Talk About.

Blahhhhhh.
My hands are cold.
AND I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
So... yeah.

Bye.

Who Am I To Say? 11:49 PM.

I haven't been writing lately. Sorry. So, I guess my mind is getting claustrophobic. Most of these thoughts are coming from my brain and my heart. Most of them are about Will. Yeah, you don't know the stories behind this amazing man I see, maybe I shall tell some. The first night I talked to Will he was drunk. He reminds of the Matter from Cars. (If you've ever seen that movie...) He makes me smile... And their not those fake smiles I give often, I guess they mean something. You guess Maddie?! No. They DO mean something. I just can't figure that out yet... I've "dated" this guy before, almost made him the center of my life and had a kick out of it. Although, at the end he found someone new. Sure, it hurt a bit but I got passed that. I dealt with it. I had fun with him, I love talking to him. But why does it feel all different now? Why are feelings constantly coming back? I think it's because I haven't hardly talked to him over 7 months... or maybe because within a couple months I'll be laying in the same bed as this dude. The more I think the more I wonder if I'll ever get the chance with him again... Or will I just fuck it up like I did the last time. I swear I've changed, I know I have. He makes me feel special. Not just because he's some guy with a nice heart and a total sweet talker... but the fact that he actually means the shit he says. And how long he can talk to someone by never meeting them in person. How I can sit there and talk to him for hours if I had the chance. It's amazing how feelings can disappear for one person but then realize how you much you miss them and suddenly their back again. It's just weird that my mind is telling me that I might get hurt, yet I'm used too it. My heart is telling me; "Tell him how you feel, it might change something...." But then.... my mind interferes and just fucks things up. It stops me from telling anyone anything. People wonder why I take the time out of my day to add more and more details to how love possibly may exists. Kind of like God; People just read a book and believe he's there... But no logical reason. I want to find that logical reason for love. I know it's there, I know it must exists because everyone's in it. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. The topic is Will. Will. Will. Will. God, how much I hate that name. It comes up in amost every sentence. WILL you go get me this? WILL you do this for me? WILL there be nacho's today? Everytime I hear it, I think of him. [Obviously because it's his name...] But I don't just think of him. I think of how it would be like to actually be around him, to feel his touch, to poke him, to just interact with him other than verbally over the phone. Things I imagine.... I just want them already. I'm sick of waiting for shit. I mean, I think I work hard to get what I want... Can't I just get a freebie this time?