Life/ Love Story

Have you ever felt that feeling whenever you see someone, you freeze and your heart starts to beat so fast and you have to hold on to something so you wouldn't fall? Sometimes when they talk to you, do you utter stupid words and end up embarrassing yourself? It's not that you want it, but just the presence of that person makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Would you be brave and admit your feelings? What if it's simply not meant to be, do you give up? Or keep trying and end up with nothing? Well, that's love. Its irony speaks, but you got to take risks to get answers. When you meet someone and you gradually fall in love with that person, try to express your love to him/her because every moment you wasted would be equal to tons of regret in the end. Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they are gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry they won't hear you anymore.The love you can't have lasts the longest, feels the strongest and hurts the most. It's so hard pretending to be friends with someone special when every time you look at that person it just hurts even more knowing that all you see is ultimately everything that you want but you can't have. Isn't it stupid when you say, "no, I don't love that person anymore." But still, when the memories are refresh and that person become visible again in your life. You'll stare and say, "Damn it! Why can't I forget you?" So each time I see you, I say to myself, "I moved on." Each time you smile at me, I say to myself, "yeah, were just friends!" But every time you look at me, I end up saying, "Shit! It's so hard to pretend!" It's hard to love someone who is not serious enough. Time would give you chances to talk, chances to be together and chances to share. See how it hurts?! You only have chances, just chances.A heartbreak isn't as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is no one really hears it except you. You can handle the pain that you feel and make others believe that you can move on. But you can never deny the truth to yourself that the person who failed and hurt you is still the person you'll choose to love. I cried so many times because of a love lost and a love I never really had. I suffered pain worse than dying. But feelings change and there's one lesson that everybody should learn in time…move on. You can't finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It's a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. Learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain. It's just like loving again after experiencing pain. Loving someone can't be proven with just the way you feel, the words you say or the things you give. If you've ignored yourself and sacrificed your own happiness for the one you love, you know what love means.

Poems. -_-

As I Reach.
As I reach towards the stars, my hand still falls short
I lack the strength needed for ambition’s support
Try to push further on, before the moment is gone
But I falter, and the dream is withdrawn…Strange thoughts blossomed deep in my headFrom seeds that were sown with the tears that I shedTried to strangle my mind, somehow I turned out just fineWhat mattered there, was no longer mineThe heart will stay empty, if you’re lacking the soulIt’s a small price to pay for affection I’ve stoleI tried filling it up, but it was never enoughTo erase turmoil, from a lifetime so roughTo seek that redemption is an arduous pathThose staring around throw their heads back and laughIgnore their pitiful cries, all laden with liesCause failure falls to those who don’t try
So please just stop saying goodbye


We Thought Forever.


On dark nights I think of you,
Still wondering "are we really through?"
You still tell me you love me,
It can't be true,
Were not together and I blame me, not you...

I know what I did to you was wrong,
I made mistakes,
I know I lied,
And thats not great.

I don't regret ever being with you,
And I dont regret making you smile,
Because, what we thought would last forever....
Was only for a while.

Rolling Down Hills, Ex's, and Dairy Queen.

So I hung out one of my old friends today. Her name is Tammy. And she's completely adorable. And has the cutest laugh. :P Anyways, We went for a walk. We went over a hill and umm.. yeah, not so go there. I tripped over a stick, or you could say branch. But I fell down the hill and rolled down it.. and almost landed in a stream of water. Oh.. and I was also on the phone with my ex. He's a dick but I guess I talked to him. But at the end of that conversastion I told him never to call me again and that Tammy absolutely loved his voice.

Umm.. Dairy Queen. It was good. Um.. Tammy only had a vanilla ice cream cone and I had a medium cookie dough blizzard. GRRR I CAN NOT FUCKIN' SPELL TODAY. :[

Umm... Alyssa wouldn't stop texting me so then I just turned my phone off and it died once already.. She kills my phone. Its ridiculous. My tongue itches. I found this rap CD that my sister made me a long [somewhat long] time ago.. and it had the song "'Cause I got High" Dude, tammy fuckin rocked out... lmao. How do you rock out to rap?

AAHHH! Now my hand itches. Does that mean ill get money? I heard that saying. lol..

Umm... what shall I rant about? Hmmmm.... hmpf. Do do do do do.. I just ate a ham and cheese hot pocket. I think my mom is deaf.. or alteast half deaf. My mind is not in the process of thinking.. so i'm out.
Latas.




..... And Andrew is weird. :P

I was called "hipnotic" today...

By this kid that I just met today. :D His name is Andrew!
And he is fuckin amazing.. (Obviously because he told me to say it. :P)
Anyways... Yeah. It was the highlight of my day. =D

10:48 PM. Thoughts?

Does anyone think that life is going by fast? I do.. I mean, wow. I was talking to Will today and it feels like I just started talking to him like a weekago even when it was two months, tops. We we're talking about when he comes back in October.. and he said it's only a month in a half. It's like woooow, it sounds so much longer than that but life just went by really fast. So did this summer. It's like, if I go to college what happens then? Will it all just be breeze or some shit? I'd like to know.
Umm.. I haven't done much today but then again, it's only eight. So fuck it. I have nothing better to do. I've watched the Childs Play movies sense Ive been up.. and that's only been like 8 hours. Considering I got up at 12.. Wait, I got up at 1. So, 7 hours?

Umm.. im busy, so I'll talk later.

What goes through my mind at 3:37AM.

Well, it's sort of and only will be about... Josh. I don't know why he's been in my head lately but he won't go away. It's like all the memories of him are just planted in my brain and some sprinkles of water come and make them grow the minute they start to die. I've been talking o him but I don't think that would do anything because it's just about how he's homeless and shit. So I don't think it's that. Anyways, I just got off the phone with my friend Ryan. I'm currently texting Alyssa. She can't sleep.. hmm.. Her and Keith should really date. They'd make a cute couple.(:
Umm.. about today. Well I was suppose to go to my aunts but that never happend because my dads a dumbass and forgot it was NEXT FUCKING MONDAY. I could have slept in but forget because... I got a fuckin suprise. I hate suprises dude, they effin suck sometimes. Well, today my friends thought it would be a cool plan to wake me up at fuckin eight in the morning and just chill. SERIOUSLY?! Who chills at EIGHT IN THE FUCKING MORNING?! No.. Not me. But I did anyways.. I had sort of a spiffy time if I say so myself. We played spin the bottle. I madeout with Kris and kissed Gianna... Her lips.. OMG. HER EFFIN LIPS ARE AMAZING. But besides that point. I guess today went okay. I kind of ignored Becca but then smootly pulled her to the side and had a wonderful chat... NOT.
This girl.. I used to love that she could tell me things and depend on me for shit. But now.. oh my fucking lord she's just so needy. And doesn't understand the words "It's Over, what's done is dont.. and I don't really want to change that. We're made for eachother Becca, just not romanticly."
I don't get it.. Can she please just give up. I don't really like girls anymore. She ruined for me. I used to think of her as someone I can talk to and shit... not the "Crazy ex girlfriend." or the "needy friend" it's all too much. Sorry. Jeeze. It's like "Please leave me alone or I WILL call sercurity."
Peace.